Chapter 6: Coming Out

J.J and I refused to bring up our feelings for each other, we disliked confrontation, but this was necessary. I knew that on some level, I was falling for him. I liked being with him too much, we enjoyed each others company a lot. We had started walking hand in hand everywhere. It was cute, it was comforting, but it was not what friends do.

I texted him one evening asking him if he had feelings for me. He tried to ditch the topic at first, but then said, "I like spending time with you". While it was true, it was as good as a slap in the face. I immediately hated that statement. I said, alright then, maybe I should start seeing someone, seeing as you are not interested. That got to him.

New years night, I followed my family tradition of staying out and waiting till midnight and doing the countdown to midnight fireworks. We were stepping into 2015. J.J. snapped what he was wearing for the NYE party that he was going to with his friends. A purple sweater vest over a black shirt and pants. I told him that it looked silly because of the purple vest. He didn't listen. He left for the party and I left with my family. Later that night, he texted me that he took off the purple vest. I asked why. He said, "Because a girl at the party took it off for me". That was it for me, I was going to move past J.J and start meeting new people.

My university reopened in January after new years vacation and by then J.J. and I had had several conversations regarding us. I had already discussed how I felt about us and that I would like to move on. He didn't.

A few days into January, J.J. starting dropping hints. His hints lead to one direction - Friends with benefits. I was never about the hook up culture and I knew that if I gave into this, it was going to ruin our friendship. Ailey hated the entire thing. She disliked how J.J was so needy of me. She disapproved of the entire fwb deal, but also as a good friend who wants her best friend to go get some, she told me to go for it if that's what I wanted.

13th January, I found myself waiting at the metro station for J.J. He had somehow talked me into a hook up and i'm not going to be a hypocrite by saying that it was all him. A small part of me wondered what it was like to be on the other side.


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